Results

It is so amazing to me how everything in life is set in place for a reason. Had someone not casually mentioned something, had I not went with my gut (I've made that mistake many of times in my life), one maybe two years down the road I would've been in a fight for my life. I can't tell you how much the thought of that has crushed me to my being. Not for me but for my husband and children. The thought of them growing up without me pains me to no end. I know what it's like to lose a mother. To not have someone for my children at Grandparents day or to be there cheeriing them on at baseball or whatever endeavors they choose to do. I know what it's like to loose a piece of my soul, to bury someone that I loved dearly. It's a pain I don't want my kids to deal with until later in life when they have a spouse and children of their own to comfort them. That alone saved my life. These and many more  are the reasons I know how extremely blessed I am that the doctor was able to remove all the cancer off my side. I finally got the call on Wednesday that the margins around the skin they cut out was clear. God and God alone has given me an extension on life and for that I owe it to Him to strive to be the best wife, mother, and friend that I can. When I got into the room to do my surgery the doctor drew quite a large football shape on me, apologized for the size, but said it was nessasary to save my life. It was a very small price to pay. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for all the prayers, texts, emails, msgs, meals, taking care of my kids when I couldn't, and  so much more. I shared my experience only to educate others on  how serious skin protectection and prevention are.  Also that others can learn from me rather than the hard way. I should have known better  than to think that all the amazing people in my life and the awesome community I live in would only just take the warning. The amount of love and support has been amazing. I will never forget the kindness that was shown  and will be looking for the opportunity to pay it back. Thank you to all that shared my blog. It was read by thousands of people and if one life can be spared as mine was it will all be worth it. I have already had several people tell me they set up their appointments to get checked and some have already been. That alone has made this worth it. I am so happy to be getting back into my normal groove and feeling like myself again. I can't wait to get my feet back on the pavement next week to start running again. It has become my lifeline to sanity. We can not control what happens to us nor the trials that are placed in  our way, but we can control what we  do with them and the person they make us become. Here's to a new day and a new beginning. If I can't get it right today I shall try again tomorrow.

My game changer

I have really debated long and hard about sharing some things going on with me right now because I am not a huge fan of people fretting/worrying about me but I have decided to set those things aside and share for the fact that if someone hadn't decided to open their mouth and share a recommendation I very well could've lost my life. I know that may sound dramatic but it is unfortunately the truth. Awhile back a friend on FB recommended that everyone should go to the dermatologist and get a full body scan (you know who you are and thanks again :). For some time now I have had a nagging feeling about a few spots and needing to get them checked so when I read it my gut told me to go (I had no clue they even did these body scans). Anyways the dermatologist will check all your moles and sunspots for melanoma (cancer) and it is covered by most insurances as a preventative measure. So I go there, fill out my new patient paperwork, get examined by the doctor (3 actually), and they go ahead and cut one off to send in for biopsy. I was in and out of there in 10 minutes. This particular spot they cut off has been on me for I don't even know how many years and wasn't even one I was concerned about. It is on my left flank (side/back) and a place I actually don't get a lot of sun. When I left that day I knew it was cancerous (calling in 2 other doctors to check it and the gasps they all gave kindof gave it away). So the doctor called me last Tuesday to let me know it is a malignant melanoma. I go in for surgery on Wednesday to have more of my skin removed around the spot to hopefully remove  all the tumor. I guess malanoma grows into your skin and if left untreated spreads to other organs/lymph nodes. Early diagnosis is the key. My hope and prayer is that my surgery goes well on Wednesday, a huge lesson is learned, and I can get more educated and help educate others. I am 28 years old, healthier than I have ever been, and in some of the best shape of my life. None of us are exempt! I have been very ignorant about skin protection, it does not just happen to older people who have lived at the beach their whole lives. I am faced with a very real reality that if this surgery does not go well on Wednesday that I am possibly in stage 3. A very crushing thing since the treatment for it is straight poison and I have a husband and 4 kids relying on me. I know what it is like to lose a mom and the thought of my children going through that is heart crushing. Nobody will love them at the level I do, I want to be the one to raise them. I share this with you all to spread awareness of the matter. It is a very good idea to not procrastinate in getting yourself checked out and as our kids get older to have them checked. It is very easy and painless and could save your life. While I am holding on hope that I am cured on Wednesday without any additional treatment  this event is  a big life changer for me. I have been reminded of what's important and to enjoy every aspect of life. As quoted by Dieter F. Uchtdorf "How much of life do we miss waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God for the rain". Feel free to share this with everyone you love  to educate others on what is a very real possibility for us all. I will keep everyone updated as I get more results. I hope you all have a fantastic day today!!

I'm still alive!!!

Don't you just love when you wake in one of those moods questioning who in the heck decided to take a piss in your Cheerios? Like your always told, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it all. That has definantly been my morning. No ryhme or reason for it either, just one of them days!! It has been a crazy few weeks. I have been trying to finish up our living/dining room reno, started a part time babysitting gig, and just the normal everyday grind. Oh yeah Scott and I got the stomach bug for the second time this season, isn't there some type of law against that?? Luckily, knock on wood, the kids have been spared. You could only imagine what my house looked like come Monday morning after having the kids run the show this weekend. It didn't bode well for my OCD. All will be good though. The sun is shining, it's supposed to warm up, and I'm trying to clean out that cereal bowl. All you really have to do is take a look at what's going on in the world to realize things aren't that bad. Some pretty awesome people we know tragically lost their brother this week. It's one of those things that pains you so much. For any of us who have experienced a significant loss it always brings you back. It puts things into perspective of what really matters in life and kills you that another life is changed by death. We all understand the long treacherous journey that lies ahead. You wouldn't wish it upon your worst enemy. Most days I try to not concentrate on that loss too deeply. It's always there but when I get too deep into it it's just too gut wrenching. We miss our loved ones so much. I am a believer in an after life and that brings me comfort, my beliefs bring me comfort period.  When I was younger I was watching Oprah one day. There was a lady they were interviewing down in Africa. Her village had been ransacked by a bunch of men with guns. They killed her husband, raped her daughter, and kidnapped her boy. We now know that this work was done by Joseph Cony but at the time Oprah was trying to bring  awareness to the situation. They asked this lady how she felt and her response has always stuck with me. She was not angry or bitter but yet claimed to have hope for a possible better future for her daughter. The only thing she had left she took the high road for and held hope that there would be a change. How much can we learn from this? As a society as a whole we hold so much entitlement about things that really don't matter. I mean I was mad when my chair came in that I ordered online and it had a small stain on it. So ridiculous yet we let these things bother  us. Haha such a rough life!!  Anyways moral of the story is that our lives are controlled by what we surround ourselves with in our lives and thoughts. I can choose  to let a bad mood ruin both mine and my children's day or spend 10 minutes with the punching bag and be done with it, let a loss destroy my soul or  learn healthy coping mechanisms and honor our loved ones, we can let people's opinions and status on FB effect/offend us or we can just hide or block them (sorry had to throw that one in). When I was about 8 years old one of my neighborhood friends (a boy) drop kicked me in the stomach  on purpose and knocked the wind out of me. I ran home, cried in my living room, and went back down the street to find him and kicked him back. All was good after that. We forgave and continued to play. We have to live, learn, forgive, sometimes even the score, learn to let go, and move on with life. I hope you all enjoy this sunshine down south today!!

The pursuit of happiness

I hope everyone had a great week/ weekend!! It's been pretty busy around here this past week as I have started another home improvement project. This past year we have tackled our kitchen and bathrooms. Now I have moved onto the living room, dining room, master bedroom, and hopefully basement. I have a really bad problem of not being able to stop something I have started so these projects seem to overtake my life. I am trying learn that it's ok to take a break for a minute or two. Anyways we had fantastic weather down here in the southern part of the country this weekend. This winter has been the longest and coldest I can remember from my 15 years in the south so the warmth is very much welcomed! Yesterday was my nephew Alex's birthday so I thought it was fitting how beautiful it was outside. I loved having the windows open, smelling the fresh air, and listening to the kids play. In my mind I was thinking how anyone could not be happy on a day like this. It made me sad to think that there was people out there who were unhappy despite the beautiful day and  I questioned how to overcome such unhappiness. As you all know there are 11 kids in my family. Between the lot of us there isn't much we haven't been through. We have all had our share of difficult journeys. I would have to say though that the most difficult life altering event I have been through would have to be the death of my Mom. I was 22 years old and 5 months pregnant with Aubrey (my 2nd child) when my mom passed away unexpectantly. I was very close to my Mom. We did everything together from our grocery shopping to just hanging out. I lived right next door to my parents and my husband was working evening shift at the time 3-11 pm so I spent a lot of that time at my parents house. Plus my mom was an awesome cook so I didn't want to miss out on all those great dinners. I had no need for friends as my family was enough. My mom was a part of my everyday life. Since then so much has changed in life. My dad got remarried 9 months after my moms passing. My mom was very involved in all of her kids lives so it was very hard to not have that in my dad's new wife. That among many other things caused  such a huge rift in my family that what I once called an  unbreakable bond broke. I never would have thought anything could tear my family apart. We had always been so close. I've come to realize that Mom's are the glue that keep us together. I could go on for days about that time in my life, but the reality is that the longer you thrive on everything that's wrong with your life the more miserable you become. I want to focus on how to overcome these life changing events, how to be happy despite life's greatest challenges. We all have them, no of us are exempt. If you are going through a tough time then I am talking to you today. If you can think back on your life to your happiest times, what made you that way? What were you doing, who were you with, were you doing something you enjoy?  How do we get back to this place in our lives? Are you surrounding yourself by people that lift you up or bring you down? Is your thought processes always taking a negative path? When I lost my mom I had no choice but to continue on with life in a positive way, I had a baby growing inside of me that I was responsible for her well being. What in your life is worth pushing forward for? Another thing I have learned is that there is always someone out there that has it worse than you do. We have to stop with the "poor me" attitude  and be grateful we are not walking in worse shoes. An elderly lady at my church shared a story in Sunday school class that I want to share... There was a lady who had stopped coming to church who these ladies were trying to visit to check on her. They had stopped by the woman's house many of times only to be ignored or turned away. Instead of getting angry at the rejection they continued on to let the lady know that they still cared. One day they received a phone call from the ladies husband that she was ready to visit with them. She was super busy at the time with mom duties and it really wasn't a good time for her to go make the visit but she did it anyways. When they got there the lady told them that years ago in the small town they lived in there was a flash flood. She scooped up both kids, one in each arm, to try and get to safety. While walking the current began to get too strong. She no longer had the strength to carry both children. She had to make the choice of which one of her children to let go of and which to save. I myself can not even begin to imagine making that kind of decision  much less the guilt, sorrow, anger, sadness. It would be absolutely devastating. Bottom line is we have to find the will to overcome. Learn to forgive ourselves. If we don't we are only setting ourselves up for a long miserable life. I know there are some days that are impossible but just remember that tomorrow is a new day. That is the beauty of life, we get a do over everyday. Count your blessings not your hardships. Work on getting back to the "happiest time of your life".

We get what we put in

I hope everyone had a great weekend!! We had a baseball tournament and great weather down here in Bama so that is just the right ingredients for an awesome weekend! I will admit I was a little bummed we lost our 3rd game (which put us out of the tournament) but with temps in the 70's nothing could get me down long. We have an awesome little ball team this year with some amazing talent so  we will be a force to be reckoned with when season starts. I like that my kids are involved in things that build character and teaches life lessons. I am a you get what you put in type person, or in better words talk is cheap, you reap what you sow, you get the point. If you give it your all with your endeavors in life you will not walk away disappointed. This is a lesson I am working on teaching my kids. They are also reaching the age I am having to let go of the reins a little bit. I remember when I  was 4 or 5 years old hanging out down the street at the local bar. We lived in Iowa at the time and my brother, sister, and I loved to go sit at the Tic Tock and get free water. Sometimes they would even give us rolls which really sweetened the deal. As I reflect back on my childhood the thing I cherish the most was my freedom. Now that doesn't mean I am in any way, shape, or form going to let my kids walk to the nearest bar and hang out, but I do have to let them experience some aspects of life without me hovering over them. This has been very hard for me to do but my kids have relished in it. They have formed hideouts, secret gardens, and found some pretty awesome hidden treasures. Saturday morning they were so excited to show me there new hangout spot. The neighbors across the street have a big grove of bamboo. My kids kept saying they had found a hidden fort and trampoline in there. I honestly thought they were playing around so I was really surprised and impressed when they showed it to me. It was a great lesson to me that I don't give them enough credit and they have to learn to use their wings. We live in the same neighborhood I spent half my life in so yesterday I decided to take my kids to one of my old hideout spots in the woods across the street from us. These woods have a creek that runs through it and flows into the Cahaba River so they are not allowed in their without an adult. So I thought it would be cool to take them there  without realizing how overgrown things get  in 16 years. So this little hike turned into an hour trek though water, vines, and overgrowth all in my flip flops but it was so worth it to listen to the excitement they felt. I almost didn't make this trek with my kids. I was in a really bad mood and almost just sent them out to play. It was such a great reminder to me that we get what we put in. If I had chosen to stay inside I would've sat on FB, watched TV, and probably fallen asleep. I would have wasted a day and most likely gotten in an even worse mood than I already was. I like to be happy and try and make the choice every morning that I am going to have a great day. This does not always work and there are some days that just can't be fixed but push to make your life one worth living, set the standard high for your children. I always say if I can do better than my parents did, and my children do better than we did, and so forth, then our legacy will be a success... I hope all who read this has an awesome day and enjoy this sunshine while it last!!

Good deeds

My faith in humanity was restored yesterday. We are surrounded by so much evil in this world that it is great to be reminded of the good. All you have to do is read this to know what I'm talking about www.rxnetworking.com/angelsforalex. I'll be honest, a year and a half ago I would've read a post like this felt terrible, sad, but in the back of my mind so grateful it wasn't happening to my family. It's one of those things we never think will happen to us. November of 2012 taught me differently. We received the news that our 6 year old nephew was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which we later found out was not just any tumor but the deadliest, DIPG. Not Alex! He's not much older than my Bradley. Kathy and Andrew (his parents) are phenomenal parents, do everything right by their children. Kathy is one of the best moms I know. I have always looked up to her parenting style and have tried to emulate it with my own. They didn't deserve this. I was trying to make deals with God to take it away. We always turn a blind eye to these situations until it is too late. Why is the price that's paid so high? The Terry's life will never be the same, they will never be the same. Death leaves holes that can never be healed. One thing death does is open your eyes to what is important in life. It serves as a great reminder that there are good people in this world. My sister in law Kim and I made donation buckets for Alex after his diagnosis. As I went around to businesses asking if they would put up a bucket almost every single one did without a single thought. They didn't even questioned it and most even put in money of their own. Jake, the guy who wrote the blog above and created the angel fight did so out of the kindness of his heart. He has no blood relation to the Terry's but gave hours of his time to fight for this cause. He deserves a Purple Heart. It is acts of kindness like these that get people through some of their darkest days. I chose to write about this today to raise awareness, we can all do something to help. Even if it is just opening our mouths. Cancer is real as we will all experience at one point or the other in our lives. The children need to be placed first with this epidemic. Everyday I pray that my children will be spared. Please join with me and help raise awareness!! I always try to remember that we are not remembered by the things we have but the lives we lead.

Smelling the roses

It's been a busy past few days (which explains my lack in blog posts). When Bradley woke up Friday he had a rash/possible poison ivy all over his face and a swollen eye. Scott wound up taking him into the doctor while I got ready to go to my own appt,  clipped a couple hundred box tops, went straight to Bradley's school for a valentines party, get the class box top collection in, do the parent jump rope for heart competition during Brads PE, get my girls, come home to eat and get ready for baseball practice, and then drop the kids off at the babysitting club (tell you more about that later) after baseball , and finally Scott and I went out on a date for Valentines day. We are actually not really ones to go out on Vday, I am just not a huge fan of overcrowded restaurants and fighting the crowds. Two friends of mine girls have a babysitting club and it something that my kids love to go to so with sitters lined up we jumped on the chance to go out. These girls who put together this club are the best babysitters anyone could ask for (and their moms for letting everyone invade their homes :). They set up different stations with the kids, play with them, do plays, dress up, snacks, ect. To top it off they only charge 5$ a kid for 3 hours, you just can't beat it! Not to mention my kids love them, we are very blessed with great people in our lives. So as the weekend progressed it stayed just as busy. I have found that as my kids get older this is becoming the norm. I had all 3 of my kids in 3 and a half years so I spent years of my life feeding kids, changing diapers, washing bottles, lugging around a car seat with a baby in it, all while having one or more kid hanging on me. As I am venturing out of that phase in life and my children are growing older and more independent I am just realizing how fast their lives are flashing before my eyes. I am making a conscience effort each day to stop and smell the roses. I know a lot of my friends have heard the story of the older lady who talks about the handprints. How we spend all this time cleaning and keeping up with our homes to turn around the next second and have dirty handprints over what we just cleaned. How one day there will be no more handprints to clean. How we shouldn't let these handprints anger us but to enjoy them. This is something I have personally struggled with, letting go. I will admit, I'm a clean freak. Almost borderline OCD (just ask anyone who's walked on my clean floors with shoes on :). This is something that I have had to learn to let go of a little bit. It's just a house and honestly as hard as I try it's going to be back dirty in a day or two anyways. There will come a day that I will have no one left to clean up after. I am trying to just worry about today, enjoy what I have, prioritize what's important. When I think  any farther than that it becomes overwhelming. If you share this struggle with me try and take a step back. Reorganize your life with the things that matter. Time is the most valuable thing we have. It can not be given back or bought. It's something that some would trade their soul for. I know this is all easier said than done, but I promise you it is possible. Enjoy what you have for none of us are promised tomorrow.